Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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