How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
