sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
