Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
