Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
