So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
