He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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