I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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