I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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