True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
