Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
