Non-Jews are for practice
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
