If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
