He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
