i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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