You work out of a Hotel?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
