Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
