okay pat passed out under dana's car
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
