you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
