the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
