Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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