i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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