Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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