Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
