$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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