I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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