I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
