pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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