I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
