Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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