the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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