You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
