i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
