He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just cropdusted the office
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
