sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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