Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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