Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
