the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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