you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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