1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
