Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
