ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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