It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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