who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
