I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
