I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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