i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
