So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
