Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
