so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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