she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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