And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
