he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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