we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
