tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
