I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
