my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I love you.
Bad choice
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