So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
