the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
